Super 8 Motel - Sallisaw Oklahoma - $40
Artwork: Two identical paintings of purple loopins, by E. W. Haslehurst.
Breakfast: Continental, meaning coffee, juice, English muffins, and off-putting Little Debbie honeybuns.
Checkout Time: 12 noon.
Smell: Light body odor.
Gideon Bible? Check.

The room was spacious, with a wide entranceway leading to an ante-bathroom with a sink and then the bathroom. The comforters were almost painfully polyester to the touch but backed up by some warm blankets. The headboards were mounted directly to the wall, with the beds on little metal frames. There are no visible screws so this was probably done during construction. If the beds were taken away, the headboards would remain, an odd clue of the room's intended layout.

The area in which this motel outdid all the competition was the orientation literature. The motel/area guide was extensive and detailed, filling the weary traveler in on such gems as the local Grapes of Wrath festival held every October. But the most helpful page was titled "Thunderstorms and Tornadoes: Be Prepared!" This helpful guide was explicit about what to do if a tornado descended on me while at work, home, school, or in a mobile home but, unfortunately, did not mention what to do if in a Super 8 Motel.

This motel was the only without any kind of wireless signal.

Passport Inn - Lamar, Colorado - $37
Artwork: Complementary prints of a fountain and an archway, in southwestern colors, mostly browns and yellows, by Juan Vacca.
Breakfast: Continental, until 9 a.m. Missed it.
Checkout Time: 11 a.m.
Smell: Just outside the room was some seriously clear, post-rain Colorado air.
Gideon Bible? Check.

The Passport had much going for it. It won the price-shopping derby in Lamar but also turned out to be chockfull of amenities. The most appliances of any of the motels, the Passport's rooms sported a refrigerator, a microwave, a teevee with DVD player, and a coffeemaker. There were also unique aesthetic touches. The shower curtain was twisted into an artistic rope and the towels and folded with little pouches on the end, holding the face towels. As one guest said, "They're thinking outside the box."

On top of that the helpful night manager sent us next door to a local bar armed with Passport Inn 2-for-1 drink passes. Cheap beer made cheaper. It was a good thing some beverage was available because the water at the Passport Inn was the worst I've tasted in the United States. Hands down. Impressively awful.

The headboards were built into the wall here, too. This must be something that's standard that I never noticed before.

West Gate Inn - Grand Junction, Colorado - $65
Artwork: "Moon Mountain '78," a representational landscape in blues and earth tones, by Walter deRooz.
Breakfast: Served in attached restaurant, Otto's.
Checkout Time: 11 a.m.
Smell: Stale smoke.
Gideon Bible? Check.

The best part of the West Gate was its vacancy, after a surreal night trying to find a room anywhere in the greater Grand Junction area in the middle of Labor Day Weekend. (As a sign of the weirdness of the night, dinner was purchased from the local late-night teen hangout, Wal*Mart.)

The amenities took a step back on the western edge of Colorado. We only had a coffee maker, but it came in handy for making instant noodles. Our room was on the second floor of the motel, which makes me happy for some reason. As does the ante-bathroom with a sink, which the West Gate also had.

Locally, the West Gate functioned as more than a motel, also having a banquet hall and playing home to the Two Chairs theater company. The lobby also had cases with antique irons and telephones on display, perhaps in a nod to the motel's past. So it was part museum, as well, I suppose.

Hotel Nevada and Gaming Hall - Ely, Nevada - $35
Artwork: Framed Charlie Rich records.
Breakfast: Restaurant in the hotel, open 24 hours.
Checkout Time: 11 a.m.
Smell: Desperation.
Gideon Bible? Amazingly, check.

The Hotel Nevada has a lot of history. It was built in 1929 and the six stories still top Ely, Nevada. Ingrid Bergman and Gary Cooper are among its famous guest. It is that rare casino in barren east Nevada with live gaming. On one side is painted a giant mural of a hospitable donkey. The hotel does a good job of reveling in its history without caring too much, just another bit of colorful kitsch.

The slot machine room downstairs was, if possible, even more surreal than Grand Junction. Mounted and stuffed animals hung over doorways. Wood carvings crowded the walkways. Everyone playing was dazed, washed out by flashing lights, and hitting buttons, hoping for a nickel payday. To top it all off, David Lynch cast two thick Swedish women to play the night staff.

The old building was charming, with quirks new motels don't offer. The plumbing was antique and the shower was so temperamental the bathroom sported a cartoon (again of a donkey) poking fun at how difficult the temperature was to control. The room, however, felt more like a room than the usual motel sleeping factory. It was a square, not a rectangle. And, as if to end on a grounded note, the bed was real, with a real headboard.

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