I recently got the chance to sit down with the Internet and catch up about life, love and Pharmacies.

Me: I was reading an old article the other day, from 1992, about some mathematicians, in which you are referred to as "Internet, a cyberspace network." It seemed so cold and informal compared to how you're spoken of today: always with an article, no explanation necessary.

The Internet: Yes, there is that. You know, for so many years, the scientific and military communities were my fan base. No one else really knew who I was. So when I got a mention in some big publication, it was always bittersweet. Good press, but so much more reserved than the relationship I had with this small, devoted following.

Me: Of course, now you have both. The mainstream appeal and a devoted following.

The Internet: Yes. I've been doubly blessed. And so late in my career. Honestly, I had come to peace with the fact that this would never happen. I got to a certain point, in the early nineties, were I'd been doing this for 20 years or so and it just wasn't working. Telnet, a few military networks, were all much more popular. And my dad had always pushed me to join him in his drugstore, get my pharmacist's certificate, and take over one day. I came real close a couple of times. I can remember one day when I had the phone in my hand... I honestly don't know what made me put it down and keep trying.

Me: Thank heavens you toughed it out.

The Internet: Well, just a few weeks after that Prodigy came along and then AOL not too much later...

Me: Wow. And then, of course, I read that New Yorker article on their website which, naturally, is--

The Internet: --on me!

Me: Exactly!

The Internet: (Laughter) I do have to thank those scientists and the academic populations that stuck with me, though. And lots of them still use me, doing some of the more interesting work with me that's out there.

Me: How important is that relationship with your users?

The Internet: It's huge. I mean at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. I am a network. I network people. Without the people...

Me: Some of your critics have said you're confusing and from the devil... does that faze you?

The Internet: I assume you're talking about your wife's mother... an unfortunate incident. Look, not to beat a dead horse, but I network people. Which means I reflect all kinds of different tastes. Whitehouse.com and whitehouse.gov are two very different sites. I understand the confusion. It's unfortunate that that was the first interaction I had with Vera but, in my line of work, you take the good with the bad. The porno with the civil service.

Me: I heard someone describe you as a bunch of packets of ones and zeros the other day. That's hard to believe of someone who is such a great entertainer day in and day out.

The Internet: It's funny. That has never bothered me, but it's a question I get a lot. I've never been a very existential person. I just go out there and do my job, which happens to be the greatest job in the world.

Me: You're one of those celebrities who we all see everyday. In a lot of ways, I think, most of us come to feel that we really know you. But we don't, do we?

The Internet: I think in a very real way you do. Yes, my public persona is different from my private life, the life I live at home, but that is true of everyone. You could say the same thing about any of your co-workers. You don't know them as their spouses know them, but you know a real part of them. Their professional manner isn't a fake. I don't value my persona at home more than my persona on the job. I might try to keep them separate, but that's different than preferring one over the other.

Me: Still, I have to ask. Are you seeing anyone?

The Internet: (Laughter) That's where the confusion comes in. When people start mixing business and pleasure.

Me: Will we be hearing about the Internet's wedding anytime soon?

The Internet: Oh. That's a jump. I still have so much on my plate professionally, I'm not sure I'm ready for marriage right now...

Me: Is that a no comment?

The Internet: Umm... No names, but there is a corporate extranet for whom I care a great deal. But that's all I'm going to say.

Me: I'm sure that will set off all sorts of speculation on you tomorrow.

The Internet: Well, that is something I'm ready for!

Me: Good luck, and thanks so much for talking to me.

The Internet: Thank you.

In the latest CoffeeCast, Gloria explores the origins of the brew, Simon speculates wildly about Warren Buffet, and Timothy English confuses everyone by using both "football" and "soccer" to discuss the World Cup. Plus: games, trivia, and the nuances of the rainbow cookie.

You can stream CoffeeCast below or right-click the bean logo to download the show as an mp3. Who say's you can't take it with you?


About CoffeeCast - Gloria and Simon are two New York City Starbucks baristas with real enthusiasm for their work. This weekly podcast gives them a chance to share the things they love: coffee and aggressive, stylized marketing.

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